Location:1265 Boston Ave Longmont CO 80025
Website: www.lefthandbrewing.com
The Story:
Despite growing up in Colorado and seeing Lefthand stickers on nearly every pickup truck and pickup truck with camper shells in the state, I had never really given Lefthand much consideration. I knew that they made beer, and I knew they were somewhere in Colorado. Until January of this year, that is the entirety of my knowledge of this brewery. However, last year I started working about a block from Lefthand and have since attended a couple of "company meetings" at this place. The first time I went, I had the Black Jack Porter, which is a damn fine beer. That is the most review you're going to get for it though. Why is that, you may ask. And the answer is because Lefthand hasn't had it available in the tasting room since GODDAMN JANUARY! I swing by every couple of weeks to check if they've got it, but the answer is always, ALWAYS no. How you not gonna have one of your "standard" brews available for 3 FREAKIN' MONTHS?!?! But I digress.
As I said, I work really near here, so I thought I would lure Caleb into my neck of the woods with the promise of beer. It's amazing what you can get that guy to do for a beer. Seriously, I once saw him stab a hippo in the eye for a Klondike bar, and he doesn't even like those. So you can imagine what he'll do for the ambrosia of the gods (hint: he would drive to Longmont). We hit three places on this day and Lefthand was the first. The last was your mom's house, but you knew that already.
The Beers:
Cost: $4 for four, 4 oz samplers of your choice. (That's the triple quadruple! Take that, Ice Cube).
1.Sawtooth Ale (4.8% ABV)
The description of this beer given by Lefthand is that it's a good "session" beer. I read that as a good "drinkin to get drunk and forget my myriad problems and either cry or get into a fight later" (or, "country song drinkin") beer. Though the name doesn't state it, this is listed as an English style ESB (Extra Special Bitter). This one is a very malty beer, but I find that flavor pleasant. The smell can be off putting, since it smells like an entire brewery fell into the glass, though. Upon drinking, it's got a crisp, bready mouth feel and a malty, smooth flavor that would make it good for heavy drinking, as long as you're not trying to get drunk off the good stuff.
Rating: 7/10
2. 400 lb Monkey (6.8% ABV)
I respect the idea behind this IPA. The statement of that idea is that Lefthand considers a lot of IPAs right now to be nothing more than a bunch of monkeys throwing hops into a pot, and, as you know, I have to agree with that assessment (excepting the lack of the words "cat" and "pee" anywhere in there). Lefthand wanted to make an IPA that was hoppy and bitter, but balanced. I can dig that. I also think they did quite well with this one. It starts with a very strong smell of flowers. Then this IPA continues with a strong, but not overpowering bitter hoppiness, with undertones of butter and daisies (yes, you read that right, shut up). The flavor fills out and mellows quite a bit after the first sip and becomes surprisingly drinkable I don't think it will be in my regular beer rotation, but the Monkey is a solid IPA that will not make me claw my eyes out if I see someone buying or consuming it.
Rating: 7/10
3. Wake Up Dead (10.2% ABV)
This one's the Lefthand Imperial Porter. Why an imperial porter? I dunno, maybe the Emperor needed someone to carry his bags aboard the train (crickets). Actually, in beer parlance, "imperial" means "extra booze" because the Russian Emperor was a huge drunk. After really enjoying their other porter, I was looking for a lot in this beer, and boy, was I ever disappointed. Firstly, it smells like paint thinner mixed with pool water. To follow on to that idea, the thing tastes like chocolate covered raisins that have been soaked in Everclear for the "Everything Looks Like Rabbit Poop" party down at the Kappa house. It's a very mediocre beer and frankly, if I had to choose between this beer and an ice pick in the head, it would be a tossup.
Rating: 4/10
4. Smoke Jumper (9.2% ABV)
What's the correct follow up to a mediocre, boozey imperial porter? Why a smoked imperial porter, of course. And this particular smoked imperial porter is worthy of a three step review.
Step one: All you need to know about Smoke Jumper in a single picture:
Step 2: Short, accurate review.
Smells like hot dogs. Tastes like hot dogs.
Step 3: Righteous Indignation
Seriously?! A hot dog beer?! I can't believe that there's a brewmaster behind the scenes at Lefthand who tasted this and was like, "Hmmm, hot dogs...fuck it! Bottle this shit up and ship it!" There has to be something I'm missing here. Is there a section of the population that's thinking, "I love drinking blended up hot dogs out of a glass. The only thing that could make that better is if, instead of it being a blended up hot dog, it were a beer, and that beer tasted like hot dogs. Boy, oh boy, what I wouldn't do to drink a nice tall glass of hot dog beer right about now..." It can't be. It just can't be. And yet it is.
I'm starting to really question the wisdom of the smoked beers. Maybe I just haven't tried the right one, but I've been underwhelmed with the quality of them so far. I'm not sure the smoking really adds anything to the beer, and it just makes the beer taste like food. Honestly, guys, if I want hot dogs, I can go buy hot dogs. It's not like I don't have hot dog money. There's really no need to cater to my hot dog cravings with a beer instead of hot dogs. I don't think we're really gaining anything there.
Rating: hot dog / 10
5. (not pictured) Polestar Pilsner (5% ABV)
Because I drank this immediately after the hot dog beer, my first reaction was that it would go well with hot dogs. The pilsner is a nice summer beer, and this was a nice, warm day. We sat outside in the sun and drank some beer and some hot dog, and this pilsner made a nice compliment to that. It was crisp and light with a slight bitterness to it.
Rating: 7/10
At this point, I saw yet another person bringing a baby into a brewery. Why do people keep bringing their babies to breweries?! Do they not know they can drink at home after the child goes to sleep?
6. (also not pictured) Fade to Black (vol. 3) (7.2% ABV, 1,984 Scoville units)
That's right, folks, Scoville Units. That's because this is a pepper porter. I forgot about that before I took a drink of this beer. Even the very sharp nose didn't serve to warn me that I was about to consume a pepper beer. Then I drank it, and it got hot, and then the hot went totally away before the beer had finished going down my throat. This was the third porter of the day, and it made me wish Lefthand stopped with all the "experimental" porters and went back to making the standard porter available. At least that one was good.
Rating: 5/10
On a side note, during this tasting, I half overheard the most hipster conversation about music I may ever witness in my life. It was pretentious and douchey, and contained the line, "I'm kind of angry with At The Drive-In right now."
Next up, Oskar Blues, where we took a tour and drank some vanilla beer. And then we wrestled a bear. Or did we? Stay tuned to find out. Good night, and good luck.
No comments:
Post a Comment