New Belgium: Jason's take

Location:
500 Linden st., Fort Collins, Co


The Story:
     Ahhh, New Belgium. Undisputed king of Colorado microbreweries. Gold standard of hippie brewers everywhere. Local boy done good. Other positive things that make them sound super-important. Once again, Caleb was delayed by a traffic accident. My working theory, which we will explore in the next few months, is that Caleb's intention to drink and blog about it somehow makes the traffic gods angry, and so they cause accidents. If this continues, we may have to start sacrificing virgins before we head out. Of course, that would be much easier if either Caleb or myself knew any young ladies over the age of a month that were virgins.
     This was my first visit to New Belgium where beer cost more than no dollars, so I wanted to see how the whole "charging for a taste" was working out for them. Apparently, quite well. The tasting room was still pretty crowded, but not panic-inducing crowded like it used to be in the old days. It's still like visiting a popular bar on a Saturday night, even at 3:30 in the afternoon, but most people are pretty laid back and friendly there, so it's not too shabby.

The beers

Yes, I realize this picture lists the beers from right to left. That's how they were delivered. Either the bartender enjoyed reading "Asian Style" or he was aligning them according to stage directions. I will start with stage left and work my way stage right.

Cost: $1.50 for 5oz of standard flavors, $2 for 5 oz of Lips of Faith flavors

1. Fat Tire
     I have a soft spot in my heart for Fat Tire because it is central to the best beer experience I ever had. I was living in Korea and dating the woman who would eventually become my wife. I'd had several experiences drinking Korean "beer" at the time and was quite disturbed by what I'd found. In fact, all Korean "beer" is actually malt liquor. Let the tragedy of that sink in for a second. Imagine a whole country that has grown up thinking Colt-45 is the pinnacle of beer achievement. So, when my lady told me she didn't really like beer and thought it tasted all the same, you can understand when I told her that it was because she hadn't ever had good beer available to her. Fast forward a couple of months. We're going to meet my father and step-mother in Fiji, and they ask me if there's anything they can bring. This was back before wanting to carry a decent amount of shampoo with you on the plane meant you hated America, so I requested a bottle of Fat Tire. They brought two. So, after drinking nothing but malt liquor for a year, I was able to sit with my lady on a beach in Fiji, watching the sun set over the breaking waves and sharing a bottle of her first real beer ever. I don't know if the Fat Tire had anything to do with it, but I proposed later that trip.
     So as you can see, Fat Tire has a special place in my pantheon of beers. I have tried not to let that bias my review, but I can't guarantee that. Fat Tire is a bright and citrusy pale ale that just hits the edge of bitterness, but the finish smooths out without ever crossing the "oh, god, why" threshold. It has a slightly cheesy/citrusy aftertaste to it that I find to be quite pleasant.

Rating: 8/10

2. Blue Paddle Pilsner (4.8 ABV)
I have only gained an appreciation of pilsners in the past couple of years, and that because I was drinking Belgian pilsners in giant cans. Blue Paddle is a very good reproduction of those Belgian pilsners. It is crisp with a light bitterness and sweet underpinnings. I think it's my new go-to pilsner, even if it doesn't come in the ridiculously large can size of a European pilsner. I do hear, though, that New Belgium has put in a new canning line that can turn out the big cans.

Rating: 8/10

3.1554
Even before having the taster, I wrote in my notebook "The best tap beer ever discovered in the history of time and if you say different, I will hire a monkey to fight you." This beer is perfectly acceptable out of the bottle, but some magic happens when it comes out of a tap that turns it into ambrosia. It's got a strong coffee flavor with subtle background flavors of banana. It's a little like having beer for brunch, but not in an "I need help" sort of way, just a "I like coffee and bananas" sort of way.

Rating: 10/10

4. Belgo India Pale Ale (7% ABV)
     After the ranting and raving I've done against IPAs, I'm going to intentionally order one? What am I, some sort of masochist? Actually, I've decided I should get the IPAs when I go breweries as a sort of litmus test. If it tastes like super bitter cat pee, I'm pulling out my punching snake.
     The Belgo was pretty far from the worst IPA I've ever had, but it made me wish I was smarter and knew more words. I could come up with no good description for the taste of this beer. It was a little flowery on top, but had some unique flavoring combinations I couldn't put my finger on. It could have been malt, or wheat, or even unicorn farts, I really don't know. I was different and not all together unpleasant.

Rating: 7/10

5. Key's Heffeweizen (4.9% ABV)
Look at that beer. That's a perfect looking Heffeweizencitrusy goodness. Only that promise was unfulfilled. This was the most boring heffeweizen I've ever had. Blindfolded, I don't think I could have said what kind of beer it was. It was just a very middle of the road, standard beer flavor with none of the pizazz I expect from a heffe. I was very, very disappointed.

Rating: 3/10

6. Prickly Passion Saisson (which, as Caleb said, was given to us by some nice drunk ladies who didn't care for it)
This beer wasn't as fruity as I expected it to be. It was fairly light, but had a very sour finish, as I would expect in a saisson. Also, did I mention it was free? I only had a couple sips, but I liked those. I don't think I could drink a whole bunch of this, but a glass every once in awhile would be fine.

Rating: 7/10

As always, if you disagree with anything you've seen here, you're wrong, but you're free to express that wrongness in the comments. Also, if you like this blog, go ahead and let your friends know. Thanks.

New Belgium Brewery. The happiest and most crowded place on Earth

Is there a more beautiful image in all the land? Caleb's review.

So Jason and I have accomplished what few of you nonbelievers thought we could do. Namely, show some actual follow through and move on to our second day of breweries. I received my first gushing review about how awesome our blog is last night from a lovely young woman I know named Jill. As thanks, she gets her first named mentioned in the blog. If she wants her full name included, the payment is a bit more steep, amIright? We also met some lovely women while at the brewery that seemed honestly interested in what we were doing. Were they also somewhat drunk? Perhaps, but you take it where you can get it. I have a section ripped out of my notebook on which I wrote down the blog address for them. So random ladies, here is your shoutout if you actually are reading and did not throw away the paper as soon as you got it. These ladies were also nice enough to give us a few of their tasters that they did not like, so today will be a long one (that's what she never said).

The brewery
Website: www.newbelgium.com
As many of you already know, I loves me some New Belgium.  I was curious to see how the brewery would fare now that they are no longer just giving their beer away for free. A bit of history on that. When I first went to New Belgium, they used to have these place mats that had a picture and description of every beer they made at the time. They would give this to you and then give you a sample of every beer totally for free. This was an amazing setup and if one went with a friend who was not a beer fan (blasphemy) one could get pretty tipsy quite easily for free. Naturally this did not last. If you got a free sample of all the beers they make now, it might kill you. They then moved to a period where they still gave you beer for free, but you had to be sitting at a table or the bar and you only got 4 samples. This was their worst idea ever in that it was crowded like a strip club on nickle lap dance night and there were not that many places to sit. If you have not seen the lengths that people will go to for free beer, it is quite the study of human interaction. People would stalk tables and hover over the people drinking there like vultures over a fresh kill. All the while, gazing out over the other stalkers to try and sense a moment of weakness or distraction so they could pounce on the table and claim it as their own. Every third sip would spark a cry of "You guys leaving soon?" or "Can we have that table now?". This lasted a disturbingly long time before they went to their system of giving you three tokens and just letting you fight your way to the bar and try to flag down one of the employees so you could exchange the tokens for beer. After all that, I was surprised that people were angry that New Belgium was going to start charging for their beer. I felt it would cut down on the people and you could drink as much as you wanted. I was half right.

New Belgium 2/18/12
Walking into the brewery reminded me of the overcrowded raves I used to go to. Just a mad bunch of people and noise, only there were far less people offering me ecstasy. Jason and I actually got lucky though and right as we got to the bar, stepping over the remains of the weak along the way, two bar stools opened up. Right next to the taps no less. Truly a New Belgium miracle. The new tasting rules are you can get as many small tasters as you want. Price is $1.50 for the regular beers and $2.00 for the Lips Of Faith or other small batch beers. You can also now buy the beer by the pint, prices vary depending on the beer. Another miracle was that our server was really cool and did not mind answering our questions. If I ever had a complaint about New Belgium, it was that their employees knew they had the coolest job ever and most of them were so far up their own asses about it, they could not communicate with the "lesser people". Not our guy though, probably not been there long enough. I got 4 samplers to start with and then got some for free from the slightly drunk ladies and then I bought a La Folie to finish.

бирата! (The Beers! in Bulgarian)

Fat Tire 5.2% ABV
My, and most others, introduction to New Belgium. I will tell you a story about Fat Tire that goes a long way toward explaining it's reach as a beer and how much I like it. Around the turn of the century, Jason, his brother, and I traveled from here to Seattle by car in order to catch a cruise boat that took us up to Alaska. On the way there, we stopped in Eugene Oregon which is a lovely town. We met some friends there and went out to a local bar. When asked what I wanted, I told the bartender to give me something he liked that I had not had before. His response was "Oh man, we just got this stuff in that you have to try. It's called Fat Tire and it's from Colorado". I loved that I had been in a car with two other sweaty fat guys for 15 hours and the first thing I get offered was a beer made famous in the town I had departed from. That's all the review I will give. A fucking great Ale.

Rating 9/10

1554 5.6% ABV
My favorite beer in all the land. It is black as my soul but has an amazing light and clean flavor. A very subtle coffee flavor balances the flavor nicely. This is the beer to which I will compare all others. Surely this was brewed in the heavens and handed down as a gift to us mortal men. Best. Beer. Ever. (though in small amounts it was beaten by another, read on!)

Rating 10/10

Sunshine Wheat 4.8%ABV
I made a point of ripping on a wheat beer earlier because it was filtered. Normally I hold that to be true of all wheat beers. If it is not a bit murky, I feel you loose much of the flavor. This is not true with Sunshine. It has tons of flavor and has a floral and fruity aroma that wakes up those flavors. Very clean and crisp beer. I stand by J in saying that this beer in a can is the best summertime afternoon drinkin beer ever.

Rating 9/10

Coco Mole 9%ABV (yep, you read that right, 9%)
This is one of their newer offerings. An interesting beer in that I find a lot of micro brews are not amazing at first but as you figure out the flavors, you like it more and more. This was the complete opposite. It smells like you are holding a bag of cocoa powder and the first drink tastes like liquid cocoa. There is a slight cinnamon taste to the finish that originally I liked. Then I took a second drink, then a third. The flavor starts to overwhelm everything you have had before and you begin cursing whoever made it and wondering how much the cocoa industry is paying New Belgium to make this beer. By the 4th or 5th drink, I had gone from really enjoying it to cursing the blasted cinnamon and chocolate taste in my mouth.

Rating on the first few drinks 8/10 Rating by the 5th drink 3/10
Average Rating 5.5/10

The next two are the beers our female friends did not care for and J and I sampled. Possible herpes contraction be damned!

Valentines Ale
This looked like a valentines beer. It was slightly pink in color and it smelled of raspberries. I was shocked that the girls did not like it in that it was perhaps the girliest beer I have ever encountered. It was very fruity and had an almost sparkling wine feel to it. Strong raspberry flavor and a very clean finish. I actually enjoyed this beer, but I would have to hand over my testicles if I ever ordered it at a bar. J summed it up perfectly with the following "If it had a little umbrella on it and you had lipstick on, you would be alright drinking it."

Rating 7/10

Prickly Passion Saison
This was the only beer of the lot at New Belgium that I did not enjoy at all. It was malty and had a very acrid aftertaste. The first little taste was ok, but it was a confusing mess after. I'm not sure what this beer was going for.

Rating 5/10

As I always do, whenever they have it, I finish with a La Folie.

La Folie 6% ABV
They actually did not have this on tap but were nice enough to open up a bottle for people and give them samples out of that. Generous of them in that it cost more than diamond studded gold bars coated in endangered leopard skin per ounce if you buy it at liquor stores. For those that have not had it, it is a very sour beer that is aged in wine casks. This is truly a love it or hate it beer and I know people on both sides. I love this beer. If it were a bit more easy to drink in large quantities, it would replace 1554 as my favorite. The best finishing beer ever because you will taste it a good while after you are done drinking. Best beer in small tastings that they make and as far as tasting only, is my favorite beer I have had so far.

Rating 10/10

So that does it for New Belgium. This is my standard that others have to try and match. I doubt it will be possible. We went to Ft. Collins second most popular brewery, O'Dells after and I will put that blog up next week. As always, thanks for reading. This one got away a bit, but hopefully you will forgive me for expounding on my favorite place. If anyone else wants to either join us for a tasting or give us glowing reviews, a mention in the blog is out there for the taking.

Fort Collins Brewery (Jason's Take)

The Story:
Fort Collins Brewery is always the third and last brewery I go to whenever I'm on a Fort Collins beer tour. I don't know why that is. I mean to go there before I've had eight thousand gallons of beer from somewhere else, but I can never manage it. Despite that, the first thing I'm always thinking when I walk in this place is the root beer (second is "Where's the bathroom?"). FCB brews the best root beer you will ever have in your sad, shallow, nasty, brutish and short life. And that one taste of root beer will make you regret all the evil you've ever done to anybody. It is easily the best root beer available in the known, and possibly in the unknown world. And a glass of it is only a dollar! A DOLLAR! For something that tastes like angel tears! You'd be dumb not to buy it! I have to agree with Caleb (though I hate to do so except for the most dire of circumstances), this is definitely a 10/10.

Cost:
$5 for seven 3oz tasters (plus the dollar for root beer that, if you don't spend, you should be punched in the face with a snake).

The beers:

1) 1900 Amber:
This was awful. Just look at the picture above and tell the there's an amber in the #1 position. If you do, I will call you a liar. I don't know if this is even beer. It tastes like laundry soap that's been watered down until it's barely not poisonous. Even then, I'm not sure it was watered down enough.

Rating: 1/10

2) Major Tom's Pomegranate Wheat:
First of all, FCB, screw you for making me spell Pomegranate. Second, this beer was a huge dislike for me. If you soaked a pomegranate in the sink with your dishes, then peed on it, fed it to your cat and then sacrificed the animal to Quetzalcoatl,  and finally drank the Serpent god's pee, it would be a thousand times better than this beer. It was overwhelmingly tart with far too much lightness on the beer front. Why would you filter a wheat beer? Why would you add pomegranate to that filtered wheat beer? The only explanation is that you hate humanity.

Rating: 1/10

3) Red Banshee:
This was a decent red, The flavor was a little reminiscent of a good cheese paired with a good beer. It had a subtle tang under the beer flavor, but nothing overpowering. I thought it had a good balance of strength and crispness.

Rating: 7/10

4) Rocky Mountain IPA
Good God. Another super hoppy IPA? Did I really have to sit through another one of those? Yes, yes I did. Did I hate it just as much as you would expect me to hate it? Yes, yes I did.

Rating: The lowest I can possibly give / 10

5) Kidd Lager
This is a full bodied, dark lager that is very, very smoky. Imagine you get up in the morning, groggy as usual, and set about your morning ritual of making coffee and weeping for your lost youth, which you do every morning. Only this morning, you are a half a cup short of coffee grounds. What do you do? You can't not have coffee, just like you can't go back and catch that pass in the big game that would have impressed the scout and you could have moved out of your backwards, podunk town and you wouldn't have had to marry Brenda, the witch. So, you grind up some smoked nuts and include that in with your coffee. Also, because your life is terrible and Brenda's been on your case about the air conditioner being out, you pour a little booze into the coffee maker. Wait fifteen minutes and BAM, you've just tasted Kidd Lager. Also, your life sucks.

Rating: 5/10

6) Z Lager:
The infamous Fort Collins Brewery bacon beer! I have only ever had this beer when I was a) already a little drunk or b) in food that's been cooked in Z. However, I've always been in love with the idea of a beer that tastes like bacon. Beer + Bacon = Super awesome happy fun time! Of course, I may just be enamored with the idea more than the delivery. I'm not sure there's more to this beer than simply tasting like bacon. Tip: cook brats in it.

Rating: 7/10

7) Chocolate Stout:
This is a nice stout with hints of oatmeal. I don't ever get a lot of chocolate flavor here, but I may be looking too hard. If I sit back and enjoy it, this is a sturdy brew without a heavy bitterness. It does carry a bit of bitter, as a stout should, though. In mid winter, I could pound a couple of these after shoveling the walk, or before betting on the penguin knife fights.

Rating: 9/10

Ft. Collins Brewery

Sooo I figured I should put up our third brewery of our first trip. We will be hitting up several in Denver next weekend so stay tuned... Do you tune into a website? Stay logged? That makes it sound like you either A. Are covered with a lot of water. Or B. Really have to take a shit. But I digress. On to Fort Collins Brewery, or as I call it, the liquid smoke use'n-est place on Earth.
Please keep in mind that by this time, both J and I were many tasters in.

A bit about Fort Collins Brewery
Location: 1020 E Lincoln Ave, Fort Collins, Co
Web Site:  fortcollinsbrewery.com.
Here is where I would normally tell you a bit of history about the brewery, but they were nice enough to not put that on their website. Checking Wikipedia did not help, but it did lead me to a list of famous people from Colorado and I learned that Bill (fucking) Murry went to Regis University in Denver. Far out. I will tell you what I know about the brewery. As far as I can remember, it started in the early 2000's. It was originally in a small warehouse space in one of the seedier parts of Fort Collins (think of one of the nicer areas of where you live and that will give you a general idea). The tasting room was tiny, they had only a few tables, and there was a picture of little black puffballs smoking cigars that I always wanted. After many years of growing to love that small space, they started making money and moved to their new PALATIAL ESTATE. The place is a huge rambling complex that they use roughly 1/3 of. One would think that since the area is so huge, the tasting room would be the same. Nope. It is bigger than the last one, but not much. Still not a lot of places to sit and they have these weird art deco chairs that make my back hurt just looking at them. But as I said, we were many tasters in and feelin limber, so we climbed on and ordered our tasters.

MMMMMM Beeeeeeeer...

The first two notes I see on my ledger are
1. Need to adjust #'s for drunkeness
2. Fort Collins 1-28-12 (stole this pen from Coopersmiths)

I will start, as anyone should, with their Rootbeer. It has no alcohol, but it is simply divine. You have to ask for it, but it is worth the drive on it's own. My notes on it are... "Third brewery of the day, slightly drunk. Starting with Rootbeer. It is like they made regular rootbeer and then angles ejaculated in it for it's heavenly flavor."

Rating 10/10

1900 Amber 4.7% ABV
This is their new popular beer around town. I enjoy the 1900, but I find it to be slightly boring in a Coors Light kind of way. A bit more flavor to be sure, but nothing really sticks with you. I could drink many of these though, which you can't often say about mircobrews.

Rating 7/10

Major Tom's Pomegranate Wheat 5.2% ABV
Reviewing this beer made me remember something about the brewery. The owner of the brewery had to sell his airplane in order to start the brewery. Talk about first world problems.
The beer is actually quite good. Nicely balanced flavors and the fruit is subtle and works well with a wheat beer. It is a filtered wheat beer which is a bit of a downer. My notes indicate that it is "Girly, yet manly"

Rating 7/10

Red Banshee Red (my notes indicate that this name is a bit redundant) 5.4% ABV
I refer to this beer as the Kelly McGinnis beer. You kinda have to know her. I enjoyed this red, which is a beer style I am normally not that fond of. It is heavier than expected with a subtle earthy flavor underneath. I could only drink a few of these, but I would enjoy the ones I had.

Rating 7/10

Rocky Mountain IPA 6.3% ABV
If I find a beer in our travels that I hate more than this beer, I will be shocked. To give you an idea of how bad it is, I will simply transcribe my notes from the day.
"Hated it before, let's see if the 15 previous tasters makes it any better... NOPE! Still hoppy and bitter. Terrible IPA, if you like this beer, you're racist... or a terrorist... or a racist terrorist."

Rating .01/10

On to the Liquid Smoke!

Kid Lager 5.1% ABV
Don't get me wrong, I actually like this beer, but it tastes like they had a fire in the brewery and they decided to just keep making beer. Smoke flavor be damned! While I enjoy the sampler, I have tried to drink this beer in bottles and I find that the sampler size is about a perfect amount to drink.

Rating 6/10

Z Lager 5.4% ABV AKA, The Bacon Beer
While Kid Lager used the whole bottle of Liquid Smoke, Z lager probably used a third of it. As I stated above, this beer tastes like the flavor you have in your mouth after you have eaten 3-4 pieces of bacon. My notes say "Good breakfast beer, the one I have been longing for." I really like this one.

Rating 8/10

Chocolate Stout 5% ABV
Another solid offering. A very smooth beer that is easily consumed. It has a chocolate flavor, but not in a gimmicky way. It compliments the beer nicely. A very good palate cleanser and a great way to finish your beer tour on the first day.

Rating 8/10

So that wraps up our first of many trips. We will be hitting up several in the Denver area on the 25th of February if anyone wants to come. We follow that with a sure to be lovely dinner with friends. See ya in a few weeks, back and better than ever.
Thanks for reading.

Coops! January 28th, 2012

On to our second brewery. Unlike J, I really enjoyed Equinox and out of the 1 breweries we had visited, it was easily my favorite so far. A bit of my personal history with Coopersmith's. I have long been a fan of both their food and their beers. There were the first restaurant (that I know of) in Fort Collins to brew their own beer and they have paired some of their beer quite well with their food. A bit of warning though. Stay the hell away from their Punjabi IPA. It is the most hangover inducing beer I have ever encountered, I once watched a friend throw up in a pitcher of water while in the restaurant after having a few (love ya Kim!).
My notes on Coopersmith's beers are much more complete because both J and I ponied up some dough to buy ledgers to keep notes in. I also wrote down some jewels of conversation that mean nothing to me now, but I will throw them in anyway. Also, I have noted in my writings that none of the three people that were at my table could 100% discern if our server was a man or a woman. I wagered woman, but by no means would put a lot of money on it.

Daaaaaaaaaa Beers.

Poudre Pale Ale 5.3% ABV
I like this beer right away because as anyone from Fort Collins will tell you, Poudre is a funny word. I continued to like it right to the point that it encountered my taste buds. For a pale ale it is not to bitter or hoppy, but it does not really strike you in any other way. A boring and forgettable beer that I did not finish.

Rating: 4/10

Sigda's Green Chili Beer 5.4% ABV
This is a really interesting beer in that if you just drink it, you are probably not going to like it. It has a very clear and strong green chili flavor that is not the most pleasant taste on it's own. Like I said earlier though, Coopersmith's pairs their beers well. I can easily drink three or four of these if I have it with the right menu item. The Johnny Cash Ring of Fire Burger comes to mind. The beer and burger are great going down, not so great when you get the O-ring of fire when they come out.

To be fair to this beer I gave it two rankings. On it's own: 6/10 With food: 8/10

First random quote: "If I aim for the crotch, my percentages are fantastic!" -Jason Litton

Blonde Bombshell Ale 5.7% ABV
This is a dangerous beer. It is very crisp and flavorful with a lovely citrus finish. It is dangerous in that I could drink a whole lot of these and not really notice how many I had until I woke up cursing myself the next morning.

Rating: 7/10

Horsetooth Stout 6.2% ABV
For those not from the area, the term "Horsetooth" refers to the most notable geographic feature of the mountains above Fort Collins, Horsetooth Rock. Now I am by no means an expert on horses, but I have seen a horse or three and none of their teeth looked like this rock. Vagina rock would be more appropriate. So in that spirit, I now dub this beer Vagina Stout, which sounds like a lesbian superhero. It is a shame that the beer does not live up to the awesome name though. It ws smooth and easy to drink, but the flavor was not remarkable and was a bit boring. J gave this a 10/10 which shows his obvious ignorance.

Rating: 5/10

Poor Richard's Ale 7% ABV
This beer is the most confusing beer I have ever had. As J pointed out, it is best summed up in the wise words of our good friend Bill.
"It's weird and then it finishes different" -Bill Kohler
Granted we were several tasters in, but that struck as quite profound in that despite it's bludgeoning of the English language, none of us could think of a better way to describe this beer. It starts off like a cider beer and right as you are enjoying it, it completely switches flavor. It's like the beer has a chemical reaction to your saliva. It ends really malty and with a strange aftertaste. This is truly the split personality of beers.

Rating: 5/10 (duh)

So that is it for our second brewery. The last we hit on our first day was the Fort Collins Brewery. Reviews are coming once J and I work up the gumption.
Thanks for reading.

Coopersmith's Pub and Brewery

Location: # 5 Old Town Square Fort Collins, Colorado

Website: coopersmithspub.com

Cost: Samplers come in 4, 5 or 6 5 oz servings for $7, $8 and $9, respectively. I chose the 5. (Actually, to be honest, I chose the 6, but one beer I wanted wasn't available.) 

The Story:
After what I considered a fairly poor showing at Equinox, we headed over to Coopersmith's pub and brewing. The first decision to be made when entering Coopersmith's is Pub Side or Pool Side. The brewery provides beer to both, but the food choices and, actually, the beer choices are different depending on where you sit. Personally, I like the atmosphere and food on the Pub Side much better, but Pool Side generally has a wider selection of beers. On this particular night, we chose to sit Pub Side so we could chow on some grub as we sampled. I got the "Works" pub chips. They were good, but I was too busy drinking to finish them (side review, 7/10).
If you're into getting growlers filled, Coopersmith's has a free growler punch card  that our waitress informed me of. If you fill 9 growlers, you get one free fill. That's right, friends, FREE BEER!

The beers:

1. Blonde Bombshell Ale (5.7% ABV)
I liked the light sweetness of this blonde, but it was a little hoppy. That hoppiness mellowed out after a couple of drinks, and I settled into enjoying it. It might make a decent summer beer, but I didn't drink it in the summer. I was also hoping for something to wash the taste of hops out of my mouth from the Equinox IPA, so I may have reacted poorly to having this as my first beer. However, I felt like this one was akin to a light IPA. If you like a little hoppiness to your blonde, you may dig this. Me, I wasn't sold.

Rating: 6/10


2. Horsetooth Stout (6.2% ABV)
I really liked this stout. I mean, I really, really liked this stout. It's nutty with a dark, warm complexity that a good stout should have. It has solid, coffee-like support that fills the mouth without bitterness. It's a solid beer that goes down smooth on a winter's night. I can't think of anything more that I would want in a stout, and I've been a Guiness man for a long, long time.


Rating: 10/10


3. Poor Richard's Ale (7.0% ABV)
Sadly, I did not have the proper descriptor for this beer. You'll have to wait for Caleb's review to see the perfect statement for this beer. For now, I can tell you that I expected this beer to be apple cinnamon oatmeal in a cup, but that expectation was off. In short, this ale was like eating an entire bag of apples and then drinking a bottle of champagne. I starts with the tart sweetness that is EXACTLY like an apple. However, it then fades to a light sweetness that just sort of fizzles away. It's a very strong start without a complimentary finish. 

Rating: 7/10


4. Punjabi Pale Ale (6.8% ABV)
This beer was hoppy as a rabbit on a trampoline. Just when I thought I was out of the hops, they pull me back in. I found it overly hopped and more bitter than a Pale Ale should be. Looking at the Coopersmith's website, I see they bill it there as an IPA. Like most IPAs these days, though, it's just a crappy, overly hopped ale without any sense of balance or pride.

Rating: 2/10


5. Not Brown Ale (5.0% ABV)
This has consistently been one of my favorite beers since I turned 21, and it makes me wish Coopersmith's bottled. Despite the name, this is a perfect brown ale; rich, solid and lighter in flavor. It's nearly as solid as the stout in its earthy support flavors, but the nuttiness of this ale is much lighter and, overall, it's more drinkable. I walked out with a growler of this one and wished I could enjoy it more often.

Rating 10/10


6. (Bonus Review!) Belgian style Kriek Ale 
I didn't have the Kriek this night, and I never, ever will again. But, I feel it is my duty as a beer investigator to inform the public that this beer tastes exactly like chicken wings. I don't know how or, for God's sake, why they would do this, but Coopersmith's has made a beer that tastes like chicken wings. Also, you're not allowed to have a sampler of this beer, you MUST buy a full glass of, and I cannot stress this enough, A BEER THAT TASTES LIKE CHICKEN WINGS!

Equinox Brewing

Equinox Menu (Sorry it's blurry)

The Story:

      Equinox has the distinct honor of being the first Colorado brewery visited and reviewed on this blog. Why them? I had heard (mostly from Caleb) that they were good, and I'd been meaning to go there some day. I'd also had something by them at the last BrewFest. I don't remember what it was or even if I liked it that much. It was Brew Fest, after all. All I remember is that they were giving out temporary tattoos and I decided I should be hard and wear it on my neck. That was a bad choice. I don't know where they got these things printed, but "temporary" was apparently on a cosmic scale because it took me a half hour of scrubbing to get that thing off the next morning. When I was done, my neck was sore and raw, like I'd shaved with a porcupine. I'm not saying this prejudiced me against the brewery or anything, but a good first impression can go a long way.

     The worst thing about this trip was listening to Caleb bitch about a traffic jam. "Wah wah wah, I got in a traffic jam! I was going 0 miles an hour! It took 8 years for me to get here! My foot fell asleep in the car and I had to cut it off with a left over soda can, wah wah! " But what about me? I had to sit at home and wait for him to come. I even had to google some directions for him. I was like Atlas that day, I tell ya.  All of that was made up for with the addition of peanut butter girl scout cookies.

The Beers:

Sampler: We got the Standard Tray, which is six 3oz beers.
Cost: $7

Equinox Standard Tray

1. Sunrise Golden Ale
      As you can see from the picture above, this ale is definitely golden. It certainly smelled like beer. Overall, I thought it was a fairly smooth beer, but it did have more bitterness than I expected out of a golden ale. Maybe it's just me, but I expect lighter beers to be more summery, maybe floral or citrusy, but I didn't get that out of the Sunrise. It seemed to be more like a heavy pilsner. If someone brought a growler to me, I could probably drink several of these in a row, but I don't know if I'd buy it on my own.

     Rating: 7/10

2. O'Rion Irish Red
     I like me some red beers. And I'm not talking about that crap that's super nasty beer mixed with tomato juice (which was sent to Earth by the devil, I'm convinced). That's not red beer any more than crapping into a Coors Light makes it a brown ale. A red beer must be brewed red or it must be nuked from orbit. That being said, I wasn't terribly impressed with the O'Rion. It had a light taste that I would expect from a typical red, and a nuttiness that I didn't expect, but I did enjoy. The problem with this beer, though, was the finish, which was very coppery. I detected the copper taste after the first sip, and it just got stronger and stronger with each until I felt more like I was sucking on a penny than drinking a beer. Granted, I wanted to continue drinking the beer for the initial taste, but the thought of adding to the coppery after taste made me want to stop. I don't like moral dilemmas when I'm drinking my beer. I want it all to be simple and straightforward. I would like to drink my beer and either enjoy it or not enjoy it. When I don't get that, I get angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. JASON SMASH!!!!!

     Rating: 6/10

3. Eclipse Brown Ale
     I also enjoy me a brown ale. With darker beers, I like a little bitter and a little heavy. In a brown ale, I usually expect a nuttiness or even a roasted flavor. In the nuttiness, the Eclipse really nailed it. There was definitely the feeling of nuts in my mouth. It was pleasant and comforting, but all in the front. The downside was that this brown ale was definitely lacking in support. All it really had was the nuttiness, without any deep or earthy notes to the beer. If not for the color, I would think I was drinking a nutty pale ale. I don't think it was bad, it just wasn't what I look for in a brown.

     Rating: 8/10

4. Inertia English IPA
     Let's get one thing clear from the start. I HATE IPAs. I don't think it's the beer's fault, I blame brewers. Microbreweries have decided that an IPA should really be just ground hops in a glass, with things like flavor and texture an afterthought. In general, microbrew IPAs have become some of the bitterest, worst beers I've ever drunk. They're supersaturated with hops and have no balance. With that all cleared up, I'm going to move on to the Inertia itself.
     This was a damn fine beer. I think it's the best IPA that I've had in a number of years. It did have some bitter hoppiness to it, but it was balanced with some cirtus high notes and some mid-level flavoring that I can't describe very well. Hey, if you want description, pick up a harlequin romance. This was a nice strong ale that was incredibly drinkable. I think I could drink enough of this to fight someone over the scores in Premier League, even though all I know about soccer (or "football") is that the English call it "football" and there's something called the Premier League.

     Rating: 9/10

5. Zenith IPA
     Just smelling this beer, I thought to myself, "I am NOT going to enjoy this." Lo and behold, I was right. It was everything that is wrong about IPAs that I ranted about above. If I had to describe the taste, I would say that my sampler glass contained roughly a metric ton of hops that had been soaked in flower scented bathroom cleaner. It was bitter and overly hoppy and, really, just terrible. I couldn't even finish the sampler glass.

     Rating: 1/10

6. Mr. Delicious Oatmeal Stout
     All right, look, you have to know that if you're going to put "delicious" in the title of any food or drink, you're going to be judged harsher on that. It would be like us calling this blog "The Greatest Blog About Beer Or Anything Else That You Will Ever Read In Your Miserable Life. It Brings Hope To Oprhans, Brings Loved Ones Back To Life and Tastes Better Than Unicorn Tears!" It would just really raise the bar for what needed to be achieved. The problem is, if you turn out something mediocre, like Mr. Delicious, you're just asking for trouble. Honestly, I didn't think this beer was terrible, it just wasn't a good stout. It tasted a lot like coffee and grape nuts, but it didn't have the heaviness that I want in a Stout. Honestly, if Equinox took some hops away from the IPA and put it in the stout, it could be a very solid beer. As it is, it's much too light for a stout. Rename it into a porter, and we might have a deal.

     Rating: 6/10

There it is. The first review. As Caleb said, feel free to comment and prepare to be mocked for disagreement.

It Begins!!!!!

So we are off. On January 28th, 2012, Jason and I visited our first trio of breweries. I will be reviewing them one at a time. That fart knocker J can do it however he likes. While the format may change, I plan on giving an overview of the trip, a bit of history of the brewery and a link to their website. The first brewery on our Magical Beer Adventure, was Equinox Brewery in Fort Collins www.equinoxbrewing.com
Equinox was originally a beer and wine making store. I am assuming that at some point they figured they already had the shit laying around to make beer and they were smack dab in the middle of the beer drinkinist city in the world, so they figured why not start making and selling it. So in April of 2010, that's exactly what they did. Equinox, to me, is where locals in the know go to have their beer. The tasting room is fairly small and their beer is not as well known around the country as places like New Belgium's or Odell's. This means that even friends of mine in Fort Collins have not had the pleasure of having their beers. They do not widely bottle their beers and you can only get it in a select number of bars around town. Their policy, which I love, is that they will only take their beer to places in town that are within walking distance as they deliver everything with a hand truck. The tasting room is nice, if a bit small. The servers were friendly and helpful and they made available cheese danishes from a local bakeshop that are amazing.
A bit on the trip. This first brewery day almost did not happen as I was driving up from Denver and hit the mother of all traffic jams on I-25. I am a patient man, but I almost said "fuck it" and turned around. After seemingly 73 days of travel to cover the 45 miles or so to J's house, I picked him up and we ventured to Fort Collins. After a pit stop to pick up essential Girl Scout Cookies, we met up with some very good friends that will probably be joining us for many trips. It was lovely to have Kim Carlson and Bill and Jen Kohler join us for the day.
Ze Beers!
All of my notes for the first brewery are written on a servers check because, showing the full extent off our dedication and preparation for this trip, we had forgot notebooks. I got a sampler of 6 beers and will review them in the order I tasted them.

Sunrise Golden Ale 5.25% ABV
One of their more popular beers. It is a golden colored, slightly murky beer. The initial taste reminded me of some pilsners I have had but with a more hoppy and floral finish. Easy to drink and enjoyable.

I gave it a 6/10.

Orion Irish Red 5.25%ABV
An interesting Red. I am not normally a big fan of Red's, but this one is very enjoyable. There is a nice but subdued toffee smell and flavor to this beer. I finished the sample quickly. I gave it a 7/10.

Eclipse Brown Ale 5.25% ABV
Probably the beer that people talked about the most. This beer won the bronze medal at the 2010 Great American Beer Fest. I love this beer, it was my second favorite of the offerings at Equinox. It has hints of coffee and is a very smooth drinker.

I gave it an 8/10.

Inertia English IPA 6.1% ABV
I am a very recent convert to IPA's. I generally find them too hoppy, floral and bitter for my taste. It was with great surprise then, that I found this to not only be my favorite beer that Equinox makes, but it was y favorite I tried all day. It is smooth and not overly hoppy, great aromas and hints of fruit. The aftertaste was amazing which I don't often find in IPA's .

I gave it a 9/10.

Enjoy the good ones, cause it goes downhill.

Zenith IPA 6% ABV
Everything I said I hated about IPA's was true about this beer. WAY too hoppy, very bitter and the aftertaste made me take huge bites of my cheese danish to cleanse my palate. Worst of the brewery,

2/10.

Mr. Delicious Oatmeal Stout 5.25% ABV
Did not enjoy this either. It tasted like they had burned the oatmeal while making this. I renamed it Mr Below Average Oatmeal Stout.

3/10.
 
So there you have it. My first reviews. Feel free to comment below on what you thought of my taste in beers or in my use of the English language. I look forward to mocking you for disagreeing with me.