Fort Collins Brewery is always the third and last brewery I go to whenever I'm on a Fort Collins beer tour. I don't know why that is. I mean to go there before I've had eight thousand gallons of beer from somewhere else, but I can never manage it. Despite that, the first thing I'm always thinking when I walk in this place is the root beer (second is "Where's the bathroom?"). FCB brews the best root beer you will ever have in your sad, shallow, nasty, brutish and short life. And that one taste of root beer will make you regret all the evil you've ever done to anybody. It is easily the best root beer available in the known, and possibly in the unknown world. And a glass of it is only a dollar! A DOLLAR! For something that tastes like angel tears! You'd be dumb not to buy it! I have to agree with Caleb (though I hate to do so except for the most dire of circumstances), this is definitely a 10/10.
Cost:
$5 for seven 3oz tasters (plus the dollar for root beer that, if you don't spend, you should be punched in the face with a snake).
The beers:
1) 1900 Amber:
This was awful. Just look at the picture above and tell the there's an amber in the #1 position. If you do, I will call you a liar. I don't know if this is even beer. It tastes like laundry soap that's been watered down until it's barely not poisonous. Even then, I'm not sure it was watered down enough.
Rating: 1/10
2) Major Tom's Pomegranate Wheat:
First of all, FCB, screw you for making me spell Pomegranate. Second, this beer was a huge dislike for me. If you soaked a pomegranate in the sink with your dishes, then peed on it, fed it to your cat and then sacrificed the animal to Quetzalcoatl, and finally drank the Serpent god's pee, it would be a thousand times better than this beer. It was overwhelmingly tart with far too much lightness on the beer front. Why would you filter a wheat beer? Why would you add pomegranate to that filtered wheat beer? The only explanation is that you hate humanity.
Rating: 1/10
3) Red Banshee:
This was a decent red, The flavor was a little reminiscent of a good cheese paired with a good beer. It had a subtle tang under the beer flavor, but nothing overpowering. I thought it had a good balance of strength and crispness.
Rating: 7/10
4) Rocky Mountain IPA
Good God. Another super hoppy IPA? Did I really have to sit through another one of those? Yes, yes I did. Did I hate it just as much as you would expect me to hate it? Yes, yes I did.
Rating: The lowest I can possibly give / 10
5) Kidd Lager
This is a full bodied, dark lager that is very, very smoky. Imagine you get up in the morning, groggy as usual, and set about your morning ritual of making coffee and weeping for your lost youth, which you do every morning. Only this morning, you are a half a cup short of coffee grounds. What do you do? You can't not have coffee, just like you can't go back and catch that pass in the big game that would have impressed the scout and you could have moved out of your backwards, podunk town and you wouldn't have had to marry Brenda, the witch. So, you grind up some smoked nuts and include that in with your coffee. Also, because your life is terrible and Brenda's been on your case about the air conditioner being out, you pour a little booze into the coffee maker. Wait fifteen minutes and BAM, you've just tasted Kidd Lager. Also, your life sucks.
Rating: 5/10
6) Z Lager:
The infamous Fort Collins Brewery bacon beer! I have only ever had this beer when I was a) already a little drunk or b) in food that's been cooked in Z. However, I've always been in love with the idea of a beer that tastes like bacon. Beer + Bacon = Super awesome happy fun time! Of course, I may just be enamored with the idea more than the delivery. I'm not sure there's more to this beer than simply tasting like bacon. Tip: cook brats in it.
Rating: 7/10
7) Chocolate Stout:
This is a nice stout with hints of oatmeal. I don't ever get a lot of chocolate flavor here, but I may be looking too hard. If I sit back and enjoy it, this is a sturdy brew without a heavy bitterness. It does carry a bit of bitter, as a stout should, though. In mid winter, I could pound a couple of these after shoveling the walk, or before betting on the penguin knife fights.
Rating: 9/10
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