Odell Brewing Co. (Jason's take)

Location: 800 East Lincoln Avenue Fort Collins, CO

Website: odellbrewing.com

Cost: $4 for six 4 oz. samples on the Classic Tray or the Pilot Tray. $8 for the same on a Co-Pilot tray (which we didn't get). The brewery doesn't keep the $4 per say. You can drop it in a box to donate to charity (a different charity every month) or you can use it to get $4 off merchandise worth $10 or more.

The Story:
The first thing you need to know is that this place is called Odell brewing. It's not Odell's, as I'd always thought it was. I always refer to this place as a possessive, but that is apparently incorrect. So, it's Odell. I think I can work with that. The second thing you need to know is this picture:

 That, my friends, is a pair of rollerblades chained to a bike rack. Upon entering the brewery, it was obvious to both Caleb and myself that some leftover from the early 90s had rollerbladed to the brewery with a lock over their arm and then, prior to going in, sat down, changed their shoes and locked their rollerblades to the bike rack. Realize, reader, that all of these had to be the result of conscious decisions. You don't ACCIDENTALLY rollerblade a decade and a half after it's out of style. You don't ACCIDENTALLY carry your lock with you. And you don't ACCIDENTALLY lock your rollerblades to a bike rack. That means there is someone out there, God help us, that would intentionally do all of these things. What sort of half-human, half-hipster monster are we dealing with here? The overwhelming fear of what we would find inside could not keep us from the beer. Nor could the fear that the beer would be mediocre, as it has generally been on previous visits. Nor could the questions of why didn't the person just take the rollerblades in with them. Really, if you're not embarrassed to be seen riding rollerblades, why draw the line at carrying them into a public place. You've already done the worst thing you could with them. I am, of course, assuming that anyone who owned rollerblades in this day and age had obviously beaten a hooker to death with them. Honestly, if you're chaining your blades to a bike rack, what atrocity WON'T you commit? None. The answer is none.

Even knowing that some sort of Heart of Darkness like horror may wait for us inside, we were undaunted in entering. But then, THE HORROR!, there was a line. I know, you're thinking "First world problems", but you should have seen this line. We had to wait, like, 10 whole minutes to order our beer. Then some lady got all elbowey on me and made me spill a little of mine before I got to my seat. Curse you, elbow lady! We got one pilot tray and one classic tray and we drank half of each beer. So, below, there will be 12 beers reviewed. Buckle up, buttercup.

The Beers:

Classic Tray

1. Easy Street Wheat (4.6% ABV)

This is a very grainy, but light unfiltered wheat beer. It's cloudy in color and flavor, with a little tart bitterness on the finish. It starts big, but fades well. It's a full wheat that's unapologetic about being itself, like a teenager who's kind of a dick, only it doesn't make you want to gouge your eyes out.

Rating: 8/10

2. Levity Amber Ale (5.1% ABV)

This is just a boring beer. It's not great, it's not terrible, but it certainly tastes like beer. I have nothing positive or negative to say about this one.

Rating: 5/10

3. 5 Barrel Pale Ale (5.2% ABV)

If this were an IPA, I would judge it pretty well. But, for a standard pale ale, it's incredibly hoppy. At this point, Caleb and I had a discussion about hoppy beers and if brewers were just being dicks or not. The final take-away I had from that conversation was that there are people who claim to like only the taste of hops in their beer and the brewers are catering to the market. That way, beer snobs can drink something no one else will like and brewers get to continue taking money from beer snobs.

Rating: 3/10

4. 90 Shilling Ale (5.3% ABV)

I know people who love 90 Shilling, but I just don't get it. I've never seen the charm in this beer. It, like Levity, is just a beer that tastes like beer. Sure, I could drink it if it were provided to me, but I don't see any reason to purchase this beer unless it was a choice between it and Corona. Overall, I found this ale to be fairly meaty with some cirtusy overtones, but I had to look hard for those. It was, all in all, just very boring.

Rating: 3/10

5. Rocky Mountain IPA (7% ABV)

Here's my "after" picture with the classic tray, after I'd sampled all the beers:

Note the level on the IPA. I may have drunk 1/2 oz of this swill, and that was a half ounce too many. I have never actually tasted cat piss in my life, but I've smelled it. Based on that smell alone, this beer tastes exactly like cat piss and may be as close as I ever come to drinking the actual thing myself.

Rating: 0/10

6. Cutthroat Porter (5.1% ABV)

This was an excellent porter. It tastes of nuts, toffee and coffee. It actually tastes a lot like cold brewed coffee, which is something I enjoy a great deal. I will buy a sixer of this the next time I'm at the liquor store.

Rating: 10/10

Pilot Tray

7. Town Pump Pale Ale (5.1% ABV)

For those not in the know, the Town Pump is a bar that was built around the time of the fall of the Roman Empire. The place holds 1 1/2 people and only takes cash for beer. You can also get pickled eggs there, so it's got that going for it. Odell brews this ale specifically for the Town Pump. I don't know how closely the owners of the Pump consulted with Odell and if this was a requested beer or just another in a line of boring brews, but the only real impression I had of this was, "Yup, that's an ale". There are hints of smoke here and some tangyness, but there's a whole bunch of boring.

Rating: 5/10

8. Odell Red (6.5% ABV)

Caleb told me, before drinking this, that he'd thought he was not a fan of reds, but the other reds we'd tried up to this point were starting to convince him otherwise. But then, this beer made all that come crumbling down. I don't think it was a good example of a red. It was much too hoppy, and didn't have that, you know, "red" taste.

Rating 2/10

9. Helios IPA (6.7% ABV)

As expected, this IPA was very hoppy on the first swallow, but it didn't taste like cat piss, so I kept going. But subsequent drinks finished grainy, full and a little cirtusy. I don't know that I'd get this for myself, but I'd certainly drink it if it were around.

Rating: 7/10

10. Cruise Control Dark Lager (5.8% ABV)

I think they called this one Cruise Control because you can just set it down and take a nap. This was yet another boring Odell beer, and I have nothing worth saying about it.

Rating: 4/10

11. Black-Ale-Licious (4.3% ABV)

Sigh. Take one boring beer (90 Shilling) and then pour coffee into it. That's this beer. I would really rather have just the coffee at this point.

Rating: 3/10

12. Cutthroat Porter Nitro (4.8% ABV)

My reaction to this beer was, and I quote, "Coffee addicted hipster angels just shat in my mouth and I wanted more. Maybe the best porter possible. Just fucking dyn-o-mite." I don't understand how Odell does this. They make boring, more boring, then terrible beers and also make this porter which, when put on nitro, is the best thing this side of a vajayjay. I guess it doesn't matter how or why they do it, as long as they keep making this ambrosia, I will go to Odell and buy it.

Rating: 10/10

So, there you have it. Another brewery down, an IPA kind of liked, and shitting hipster angels. Also, the psycho with the rollerblades didn't kill us, so that was nice. Questions, comments or suggestions can go in the comments.